


pretty pink ribbons

by nominluvbug



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Childhood, Feelings Realization, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29939973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nominluvbug/pseuds/nominluvbug
Summary: an au where jeno realizes he should have never taken for granted those cute gifts with pretty pink silk ribbons wrapped around it... along with its sender, the pretty pink na jaemin.
Relationships: Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know red and pink have beautiful and loving symbolisms but in this, au I decided to make these colors.. the opposite of it. This is my own style of writing. I like to make my own sad meaning out of things. For example, gifts. 
> 
> If you don’t like it please don’t read.

_ Ten _

Jeno was 10 when he first met Jaemin. The small cute kid who would eat jelly on his way to school. Carrying his pink backpack that looked like it was bigger than him.

**“Nana, this is my brother.”** Jisung introduces him. Jeno watches Jaemin’s shy eyes and rosy pink cheeks as he extends his hand then waves.

**“Hi! I’m Jaemin. I’m six years old. I l-like pink.”** Jeno chuckles at the sudden stammer of the younger. His face getting redder at this point.

**“U-uh here’s a gift. I hope you accept me as Jisung’s f-friend. I’ll b-be nice to him.”** He adds next. He then takes out a cute pink box with red ribbon’s on it.

Jeno hesitates to receive the box but the younger places the box in Jeno's hands. It felt warm. It felt like it belonged there.

**“My mom said I should do this so Sungie and I can be like family. I gotta win his family too.”** He explains.

**“I helped my mom bake those cookies… I hope you like them.”** He shyly adds. Looking away from the older.

Jeno just smiles at him. Eyes disappearing at the sudden warmth and joy.

**“I’ll enjoy them.”** Jeno assures him.

Jaemin smiles at him. Looking so genuinely happy. He opens his mouth to continue more but Jisung drags him out of Jeno’s room.

**“Stop chatting. Let’s play, Nana.”** JIsung whines as he clings to Jaemin, slowly dragging him out of the room. Jaemin, on the other hand, was pouting. Wanting to stay more but can’t do anything. 

**“W-wait… I gotta say thanks to your brother.”** Jaemin argues but he still gets dragged by Jisung.

**“Noooo… looks like you like my brother more—“** then the voices are gone. Jeno just laughs at his brother.

He stares at the box. Smiling indifferently.

_ Cute. He’s so cute _

* * *

Jeno was seventeen and Jaemin was thirteen. He was now close with his family. It seems like he is already part of the family. Not only Jaemin but also his parents became super close with their family. They even spend Christmas together as a whole. 

**“Nana!”** He calls him out. The kiddo looks at his direction. Beautiful doe eyes filled with happiness.

**“Jeno Hyung!”** He skips in triumph as he sees Jeno. Hair bouncing with a huge grin.

Maybe it’s the way Jaemin’s face lights up when Jeno calls out his name? Or maybe it’s the way Jaemin would react to Jeno? But it always made Jeno happy… extremely happy. Seeing how only he can have this effect on the younger.

**“How’s class?”** He asks. Jaemin smiles widely at him.

**“Great. Sungie got elected as vice president.”** Jeno waits for the other words to come out but Jaemin seems to end his ment.

**“And?”** Jaemin looks at him confused. He repeats the same word that Jeno asks.

**“How about you?”** Jaemin says an “oh” and scratches his head.

**“I lost with two votes. Haha. My opponent seemed nice so I kinda get why I lost.”** He shrugs but it was apparent that there was sadness in his voice.

That was a lie. Jeno knows. The only reason Jaemin’s opponent won was because her father offered a donation to the school. Jaemin could have won. 

With Jaemin’s room next beside his room (their houses were beside each other), Jeno remembers the endless nights of Jaemin cutting out banners for the student election. He would even hear Jaemin repeat his speech again and again every night. It’s such a pity that he didn’t make it.

**“Anyways hyung, it’s your birthday soon right?”** Jeno notices the sudden glow on Jaemin’s face. The then dull aura now gone as he rushes to open up his bag.

**“Advance happy birthday!”** He proudly presents the cute yellow box with an old rose ribbon on it. It was no news that Jaemin liked giving gifts. He always gives Jeno gifts even with Jeno’s smallest achievements.

**“Thank you, Nana.”** Just when Jaemin was about to reply back, they both heard a familiar voice calling out Jaemin’s name… Jisung.

**“I gotta get going, hyung. Your brother is calling me.”** Jeno just nods at Jaemin. He takes it as a sign for him to leave. Jaemin jogs to where Jisung was. His bag casually bouncing up and down. 

Jeno tries to reflect whether he should do it or not. He  _ should.  _ He thinks. Besides, it seems like the younger really deserved it.

**“Jaemin!”** Jeno calls.

Jaemin looks back at the mention of his name. Few feet away from Jeno but still loud enough to hear.

**“Don’t worry. Better opportunities will come because you deserve it. Don’t give up. Fighting!”**

Jeno giggles as he notices the sudden pink color on the younger's face. The younger just nods and gives him a thumbs up then he quickly faces back to run where Jisung was.

_ He is really cute. _

* * *

Beautiful lights fill the room as loud chatter can be heard. Christmas. Season of gifts! Jeno beams. 

**“Merry Christmas!”** Everyone repeats the same greeting again and again as the clock strikes 12:00. Signaling Christmas Eve. 

**“Sungie, do you think he’ll like it?”** Jeno asks his brother. Jisung scrunches his nose and gives him a glare.

**“Ask me that again and I’ll shoot you.”** Jeno should be scared but he honestly, can’t when his brother looks like a cute baby. Trying hard to look angry. Jeno just chuckles and shakes his head. Fighting the urge to squeeze his little brother’s cheeks.

**“Nana will like it.”** He assures Jeno. Jeno caresses the small rectangle box inside his pocket. Seemingly questioning himself.

It’s tradition now. His family and Jaemin’s families celebrate Christmas together. Having Secret Santas with them. This year Jeno has Jaemin. Jeno had dragged Jisung to the mall demanding to know what Jaemin would want but all Jisung pointed to was some socks. Some pink bunny socks. He wanted to buy something more. Maybe like a plushie? Or anything other than plain boring socks. But Jisung was persistent. Saying that he should buy the socks just to make fun of Jaemin or else he’ll gift him rocks for secret santa.  _ Jisung said he got him this year. _

_ Jeno sighed placing the pink bunny socks in his cart. Jisung drags him to the counter to pay after. Jeno remembers Jisung excusing himself wanting to pee leaving Jeno at the counter. When the younger is gone Jeno quickly leaves the line to find anything that he can buy for Jaemin. Something quick that Jisung will not find out. _

_ And just like in cue, Jeno’s eyes quickly lands on a silver bracelet with a J as its pendant. Simple but elegant. Just like Jaemin. He hurries to the counter having the socks and bracelet gift wrapped. _

**_“Can you place the bracelet inside the socks before you wrap it?”_ ** _ He asks the worker. The worker looks at him weirdly but still does Jeno’s request. He wraps the gift with yellow wrapping paper and a pink silk ribbon as its accent. _

_ When Jisung arrives. The gift was already prettily wrapped. JIsung eyes the box. Trying to examine it. Jeno awkwardly chuckles while he hides the box behind his back. _

**_“You didn’t change it right? It’s just socks?”_ ** _ Jisung stares at his brother intently. Like a fugitive. Jeno nods his head furiously. _

**_“Isn’t the wrapping too extra? Considering it’s just… socks?”_ ** _ Jisung asks again. This time it’s Jeno's turn to ask him. _

**_“Why do you even want to give him just socks?”_ ** _ Jeno asks. Jisung looks away whistling and then shrugging his shoulders. _

**_“Nothing. Just wanted to know something.”_ ** _ Jeno opens his mouth again to ask another question but Jisung glares at him. _

**_“If you ask another question, it’s hello rocks for you.”_ ** _ and that was enough to make Jeno shut his mouth. _

**“Hyung! Merry Christmas.”** Jaemin calls out and Jeno is back to reality. Jeno swallows visibly before taking out the rectangle box from his pocket.

**“Hi Nana. Merry Christmas.”** He hands the younger his gift. He sees Jaemin look at him with shock. Mouth slightly open.

**“You got me?!”** Jaemin asks, excitedly. Jeno smiles at him. 

Jeno wanted to stop him but there was nothing he could do as Jaemin was already happily opening his gift. Jeno wanted to sink on the floor knowing that the first thing Jaemin will see is pink socks. Embarrassed Jeno tries to look away at the younger.

**“Omg! Pretty!”** Jaemin squeals. Watching the pink socks and caressing the soft material. Jeno watches him with awe. The younger was already happy with socks. Next, Jaemin was grinning at him. Showing him a green box with pink silk ribbons.

**“I got you too!”** Jaemin hands his gift. Stunned. Jeno receives the gift. 

_ Didn’t Jisung get him for secret santa? _

**“Open it!”** Jaemin happily says. Jeno follows. He pulls the ribbon loose and opens the box and before anyone knows it. 

Jeno was hugging Jaemin tightly. Happy with what he got.

**“Gosh how did you get this?”** Jeno asks. Heart thumping as he stares at Jaemin’s gift. A signed shirt of his favorite basketball player.Jaemin just shrugs. Still smiling at him.

**“Thank you, Nana!”** He gives the younger another hug. And before he separated from the hug Jeno made sure to whisper something in Jaemin's ear.

**_“I got you something inside the socks. Don’t tell Jisung.”_ **

As soon as they separate, Jaemin takes a peek inside the socks to find the silver bracelet Jeno had personally picked for him. Jaemin bites his lips to prevent himself from smiling.

**“Thank you, hyung.”** He mouths. Jeno just gives him a nod and messes his hair.

**“Get in there, you two. I’m taking a picture of you both.”** Jisung interrupts. Pushing the two to get closer and positioning himself to take their photo.

And Jeno as a natural, places his hand on Jaemin’s shoulder as he happily poses. While Jaemin was flushed. Red like a tomato.

Jisung just clicks his tongue while he realizes certain truths.

True, Jeno didn’t just get Jaemin socks.  _ Jisung is not dense. _

True, there was something fishy about the two.  _ Jisung is not dense. _

Lastly...

True, he got Jeno for secret santa.  _ Jisung is not dense, Jaemin likes Jeno.  _

* * *

  
  


**“Hyung.”** Jeno notices the familiar voice. He removes his glasses and puts the pen that he was holding.

**“Jaemin.”** The younger was looking at him for too long. Biting his lips while he hides something in his back.

Jaemin takes a huge breath before placing a box in front of Jeno. There it was again. A new gift. The usual pink shade of ribbon still there.

**“What’s this?”** Jeno asks. There was no event he could think of. His birthday was months ago and the special holidays are still on the next upcoming months.

Jaemin seemed so flushed that it was making Jeno worry.

**“I like you.”** Jaemin spits out so quickly but it was clear to Jeno. 

Jeno pauses. Trying to find any words to say to the younger. Jeno takes the box and places it back in Jaemin’s hand.

**“Jaemin, you are eighteen. I am twenty-two. I’m older than you.”** Was only he can say. Not knowing the right words to say. Hoping the younger would understand his reason.

Jeno expected Jaemin to feel sad but it was the opposite as the younger smiled. Placing the box back to Jeno’s hands. 

**“Then wait for me. I’ll try my best to be as matured as ever. To be fit for your age.”** Jaemin says as he quickly leaves the astounded Jeno.

Jeno shakes his head.

_ That was not what I was trying to say. _

He wanted to say but Jaemin was too quick to leave. Not giving him the chance to think for the right words to say. 

* * *

  
  


True to his words, Jaemin did try his best to be mature. He went to a great college. Had great grades and even had a great social life. He would work too. 

It was like a different Jaemin. The bunny tooth, jumping, cute kid was now turned into the mature smart guy in town. He was a total heartthrob in his college (as Jisung would say). But the gifts were still there. Coming in different colors but always with pink silk ribbons. Not a single special event of Jeno’s life ever missed.

Jeno does not deny. He notices the huge difference. But as Jeno walks into their dinner table bringing in someone. He notices the childish scowl on Jaemin’s face.

**“So… uhm… My girlfriend.”** Jeno introduces. Everyone went dead quiet as they all stared at Jaemin. His desire for Jeno was no secret in their family. Jeno’s parents were honestly supportive, even taking it as Jaemin calling his mom as “mother-in-law” or mom, so it is kind of a shock for them for Jeno to bring someone whom he never mentioned.

**“I-i need to-- uhm… Excuse me.”** Jaemin quickly excuses himself. Not even minding the different worried faces on the dinner table. 

And Jeno…

_ Felt so dumb to bring someone knowing Jaemin’s true feelings. _

* * *

  
  


**_“I thought you would wait for me.”_** Jeno remembers Jaemin’s words like a haunting piece of melody stuck on his mind.

It was wrong but Jeno wanted to wipe his tears. Wanted to wipe the sadness away. It was honestly driving him mad. So mad knowing that he is the reason for Jaemin’s sadness.

But seeing the younger right now, in his mad crazy phase. Jeno questions what he had felt before. Jaemin looked childish as he trips Jeno’s girlfriend. Saying “oops sorry.” in the most sarcastic tone. It was not just this. It was much more. Jaemin had done a lot of childish things to her.

His girlfriend looks at him. Like a telepathy asking why he is not telling Jaemin off. Why is he not saying anything when Jaemin was clearly treating her like shit?

**“Jeno, when we are at work or anywhere, when anyone would do me shit you’d fight them off. Why can’t you defend me from your brother’s friend?”** She asks. 

Jeno just looks away. Trying his best to avoid the question.

How can he? How can he tell Jaemin off knowing what he had done to the younger?  _ Or was it so much more? _

**“I’m letting this slide, Jeno. This is the last time… I don’t think I will be able to take it anymore if it will happen again.”** She warns Jeno. Grabbing her things and leaving Jeno.

This is the last time…I promise. 

Jeno just sighs.

* * *

  
  


Jeno clinks his glass along with his friends. Everyone had been busy and it’s a miracle that the squad is finally complete.

**“Just keep drinking, guys! For our confused pal, Jeno! Wooh!”** Donghyuck’s teasing earns a glare from the slightly tipsy Jeno.

**“Shut up.”** Jeno throws a lemon in Donghyuck’s direction. True, the squad called out code red because of Jeno’s sentiments. Kinda felt good to have friends to lean on.

**“Why do you let your brother’s friend trample on your girlfriend’s pride, bro? Why can’t you just tell him off.”** Yangyang asks. Genuinely curious but he earns a nudge from Renjun.

**“Simply because he’s not just his “brother’s friend” He’s much more than that.”** Renjun states. Yangyang says an “oh” while taking a bottle to refill his glass.

**“Simply answer this.Who do you like more? Your girlfriend or your brother’s friend?”** Yangyang asks again. Yangyang was never with them since they were young. He entered their friend group when Jeno was in college and Jaemin was kinda not really in that picture that much. So it’s understandable that he does not know anything about Jaemin.

But Jeno hated it. He does not know but he hates it.

**“His name is Jaemin. Not brother’s friend.”** Yangyang just raises both his hands up as a signal of giving up. Renjun and Donghyuck just laugh.

**“You have the hots for him, Jeno.”** Donghyuck simply answers. Jeno just sighs.

**“I don’t think so. He’s like a younger brother to me.”** Jeno answers.

**“Really?”** Renjun follows up. Jeno just takes another shot and shrugs.

**“I don’t know…”** almost like a whisper, he answers.

**“I’ve always imagined myself getting married with a girl I like and having kids together. That cheesy stuff. It’s always been like that. I want a family. You guys know that. That’s why I bought a ring to propose to her right?”** Jeno admits.

**“Jeno, a family does not always mean getting married to a girl. It’s getting married to someone you love. Someone who you see yourself, being old and wrinkly with.”** Donghyuck says. Jeno just sighs.

**“But… kids”** Jeno interjects.

**“You can always adopt. Just like what Hyuck and I are planning.”** Renjun happily says. It earned cheers from the squad. And honestly, it made Jeno feel happy knowing that his friends are taking their married life to a new level. Renjun and Hyuck have been married for a couple years already. When they were fresh graduates. They immediately tied the knot. Knowing that they want to be together until the end of time.

Jeno thinks as he watches his friends celebrating. Watching them clinking their glasses and bickering. True…. Family does not mean a man and a woman. It's just someone you love and you.

**“Just give it some thought, Jeno.”** Donghyuck smiles at him. Assuring him that everything is going to be alright.

**“I will… I will.”** He then chuckles upon realizing his sentiments.

**“Is it even okay to be this confused at this age? I’m old.”** He laughs. Donghyuk and Renjun just give him a smile.

**“Age shouldn’t matter.”** This time Yangyang says. Showing his engagement ring. Yangyang recently got engaged with his boyfriend, a five year gap. Few months ago, Yangyang was having the same sentiments. Although, Yangyang is the younger one. 

Jeno stays silent for a few minutes before his eyes land on the quietest person of the squad FOR TODAY, just for today, Lucas. It was like a miracle that he was quiet.

**“You seem quiet.”** Jeno says. Lucas just grins at him staring at the glass intently.

**“You know I can’t say anything. I had feelings for him.”** Lucas grins at him before taking a shot.

**“How did you know you liked, Jaemin?”** Jeno asks. Lucas is two years younger than him, and he is two years older than Jaemin. They’ve always been together as they were also neighbors. He is Jaemin’s best friend too.

**“Hmm.. We were always together so it was kinda hard to know whether I was catching feelings for him or was I used to his presence? You know that feeling? Like he was like my other half. He was there during my ups and downs and was very supportive. To add, he may seem younger than me but he was very passionate in everything he does. I look up to him.”** Lucas tries to recall the bittersweet past that he and Jaemin had. They’re still friends after Jaemin had turned him down stating his true feelings about Jeno. It stung a lot. It did. But Lucas was not a sore loser. He accepted defeat.

**“So what did you do… like you know… to get a clear understanding of your feelings?”** Jeno asks.

**“I asked for some space. Well, technically, discreetly. I just avoided him. Without his presence, I realize that it was not just idolization or being used to his presence. It was like an enlightenment that I liked him. He was the only one I yearned for.”** Jeno clicks his tongue.

What if Jaemin was just used to his presence? Or idolizes him as an older figure? 

**“But Jeno… don’t just think about Jaemin. You have a girlfriend too.”** Lucas then taps his back.

_ Right…. Girlfriend. _

* * *

  
  


Christmas. 

Jeno decided to give it some thought. The couple weeks were all about him thinking and reflecting about his decisions. Two decisions, A: he breaks up with his girlfriend and tries to work things out with Jaemin. B: he tells Jaemin off and… proposes to his girlfriend. Two huge steps for Jeno.

Why proposing? Because if it’s clear to Jeno that he does not like Jaemin and is just consumed with guilt he plans to get married before he gets all confused again. 

**“Mom, no prawns for my girlfriend okay? She’s super allergic.”** Jeno reminds. His mom just nods and smiles at him.

Everything gets all loud suddenly as Jaemin’s family enters the house. The family fills the whole house within seconds. From helping with the decorations, cooking, and everything else.

Jeno’s eyes search for the usual presence he tries to look for. 

**“He’s still cooking at home. He’ll be here in awhile.”** Jaemin’s mom smiles at him. Jeno just nods at him.

**“May I help you with those decorations, Mrs. Na?”** Jeno asks politely. Mrs. Na smiles at him sweetly as she hands out the star decorations. 

While Jeno was busy decorating his mom taps his shoulder.

**“Nono, can I borrow your charger? I broke mine.”** His mom asks. Jeno attempts to lower himself from the chair he was standing on when his mom stops him signalling him that she’ll get it.

**“On the sock drawer.”** He says as he remembers he kept his charger there because Jisung was trying to steal it. Mrs. Lee just waves her hand off as she continues to Jeno’s room.

**“Jeno, how are you and… your girlfriend?”** Mrs. Na asks.

Jeno suddenly felt his mouth dry and the color on his face started to fade.

**“We-we’re okay, Mrs. Na.”** Mrs. Na caresses Jeno’s back. Like he is his son.

**“Okay. Good to know.”** She simply says as she moves to another decoration.

It felt like a sign. Sign of what? Jeno does not know. But it really shows that Mrs. Na was happy for Jeno and his girlfriend.

It’s been hours and Jaemin was still not around. Everyone was still busy preparing for Christmas eve. Presents were all around. Jisung happily chatting with Jaemin’s cousin, Mark. Who was from Canada but was spending his holidays with Jaemin’s family for this year.

**“When are you coming back to Canada?”** Jeno asks Mark who was busy eating his Christmas cookies.

**“You’re too mean, bro. You want me away already?”** Mark acts like he is slightly hurt but focuses still on the cookies.

**“Yes, if you keep eating my freaking cookies.”** Jeno grabs some of his own made cookies to leave some for Jaemin.Jaemin likes his cookies.

**“You’re 25 and you like a kid for cookies.”** Mark teases. Jeno rolls his eyes and raises a fist.  _ Wasn’t Mark the one being obsessive with the cookies a while ago? _

**“Chill! I’m getting back hours before New Year Eve. Sucks right?”** Mark says.

**“Damn. Sucks to be you, loser.”** Jeno teases. This time Mark raises his fist. But Jeno quickly gets up as he hears the doorbell ring.

He hurriedly comes to the door and opens it.

Oh…

**“Hi. Merry Christmas.”** Jeno’s girlfriend happily says leaving a kiss on Jeno’s cheeks. Behind her is a pink haired Na Jaemin, rolling his eyes.

**“Merry Christmas, Nono!”** Jaemin happily says. 

**“Merry Christmas…”** Jeno stares at the younger. Was it directed to his girlfriend? Or to the beautiful pink haired boy?

He sees the younger carrying a tray and there it was again… a gift wrapped with pink ribbons. Jeno was about to help the younger when his girlfriend grabs his arm.

**“Babe, can you help me? I kinda have a strained neck so it’s hard for me to carry these gifts for your family.”** Concerned Jeno immediately grabs the bag his girlfriend was holding. Jeno gives a long stare at Jaemin before he calls out Mark to help Jaemin.

**“Oh? You’re here? Let me help you.”** Jaemin mumbles thank yous to Mark as he helps him carry his belongings inside. Not minding the hurtful stare Jaemin is giving him.

* * *

Jeno looks at the different food preparations placed on the table. Everything looked so appetizing. Everyone was busy talking and chatting when all of a sudden, Jeno’s girlfriend stands up panting heavily. Trying to catch her breath. Jeno understands the situation immediately. An allergic reaction.

**“B-bag!!!”** She tries to say. Jeno, not knowing what to do, immediately looks for her bag and rummages through it. Looking for her medicine.

He rushes as he sees the medicine and immediately makes his girlfriend take it. It was so sudden that Jeno could feel his hands shaking. His girlfriend was almost blue and was panting so hard.

When her breath steadies, Jeno places an arm at her back. Carefully caressing her.

**“Are you okay? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?”** Jeno softly asks.

**“I-I’m good. J-just water please.”** Jeno immediately grabs a glass to give it to her. Not minding the different concerned glances that everyone was giving.

When everything was okay, his girlfriend stood up. Still holding her chest.

**“You… you want me dead?”** She points at Jaemin who was staring at the ground. Looking so flustered.

**“Lee Jeno, I told you that that was the last time before. I can’t take it anymore. We’re over.”** Was all she says as she hurriedly grabs her bag and leaves the Lee Residence.

**“Jaemin?! What did you do!!!”** Jeno angrily asks.

**“I-i can… explain…”** He tries to say. He tries to get a grip of Jeno but Jeno swats his hand away. Like he was poison. Like he was dirty.

**“Don’t fucking touch me, Na Jaemin.”** Jeno then storms out of the room leaving a crying Jaemin.

* * *

Jeno then has locked himself in his room for days. Only coming out when he is hungry. He hated what Jaemin had become. Jaemin was never like this. How can he be someone like this? The house became very silent. It felt like he was deaf. The usual Jisung-Jaemin banter, the Mrs.Na and Mrs. Lee talks, the golf talks of Mrs. Na and his father. Everything. Everything was gone.

But in the far end of the house, Jeno hears voices. The garden…

**“I’m sorry, mom… I didn’t mean to.”** He hears Jaemin say. He sees his mother and Jaemin hugging. Tears staining Mrs. Lee’s shirt.

Jeno sees the two talking deeply but not wanting to know more. He felt like he was being stabbed at the heart seeing Jaemin. With that he leaves and runs back to his room.

Because it’s clear to him now. He is in love with Na Jaemin… but everything is just.. __

_ Red. _

* * *

  
  


**_Special Jaemin Pov Chapter_ **

  
  


Mrs. Lee softly caresses his back comforting him. After telling him what happened. Everything so sudden that it damaged almost everything. His parents' relationship is not that the same with Jeno’s parents after. He and Jisung are not on speaking terms… and Jeno… Jeno hates him.

Jaemin feels dizzy at the sudden events. It’s true he didn’t mean to but damage has already been done.

**“Jaemin… you know that I see you like a son right? That I really wanted you and Jeno to be together because I want you as my son-in-law right?”** Jaemin just nods at her questions.

Son-in-law…

That seems extremely impossible.

**“I really do... “** Mrs. Lee confesses but she sighs as she gives Jaemin a pat on the back.

**“But I need to choose my son too…”** Mrs. Lee says getting a good look at Jaemin’s face. Tear stained but beautiful. She tries to tiptoe around the subject but immediately sighs. There was no better way to do this. This is the only way so Jaemin won’t be ever hurt so hard and Jeno will be happy.

**“Jeno was planning to propose to her… I saw the ring on his sock drawer.”** Jaemin felt the world spin. His ears started to ring as he felt everything pause.

**“W-what?”** Mrs. Lee just stays silent. Not wanting to repeat the same words to hurt Jaemin.

Staring at Mrs. Lee’s face, at the house where he had first met Jeno, and the room where Jeno is.

Jaemin chuckles. The bittersweet one. The one where he tries to laugh it off as tears endlessly fall on his cheeks. The one where he just breaks down.

Because he did love Jeno… but everything he does just makes him bleed.

Loving Lee Jeno,  _ is red _ , to Na Jaemin.

That is why he needs…  _ to let go _

* * *

New Year.

Jeno hated to leave his bed and go emotional but it was New Year. He hates to bum everyone out. So he hurriedly goes down to help his mom cook food. As he goes down, he notices the familiar noise.

Jaemin’s family is here…

Seems like they worked things out. Good for them. Jeno tries to look for someone he can avoid but Jisung was quick to notice him.

**“Don’t worry. He might not come. He’s helping Mark pack.”** Jisung says while he holds out his New Years decoration. Jeno just nods as he helps out the elders.

**“Hi Jeno.”** Mrs. Na greets.

**“Hi Mrs. Na”** Jeno says politely. He was mad at Jaemin not at his family anyways. He helps out Mrs. Na with the New Year decorations.

Hours passed and everything seemed to be ready when the doorbell rang.

11 pm Jeno checks the clock. Who would come at 11pm? Jeno sees that everyone is still getting ready so he makes an initiative to get the door.

Opening the door felt like a sudden rush of surprises as he sees his ex-girlfriend and… Jaemin. He stares at them for too long not knowing what to do.

**“We worked things out. We’re good now.”** Was all his ex-girlfriend can say. She then makes her way in as she greets the elder members of the family. 

Like everyone knew.

Loud chattering filled the room. The bright lights suddenly felt so strong to Jeno. What was happening?

But Jaemin… was still stuck on the door. Jeno staring at him.

**“C-can we talk?”** Jeno contemplates whether he should talk with the younger.

**“Please?”** Jaemin pleads. Jeno could feel his mouth dry and heart thump as he stared at the younger.  _ He misses him. _

He then gives a slight nod.

* * *

  
  


**“Hyung.”** Jaemin trying his very best to smile at heno. Slowly pushing himself at the swing as the breeze hugs his empty heart.

Maybe it was the way the moon shone on Jaemin’s face that he looked ethereal. Leaving Jeno breathless.

**“Here’s my gift to you. I should have given it last Christmas but… uhm hope you like it.”** Jaemin places a rectangular object on his lap with the usual pink ribbons, not a gift box but an old rose colored album

Jeno pulls the string of the ribbon. The silk smoothly sliding off the album and the words  _ my greatest gift…  _ now shown.

**“What’s this, Jaemin?”** Jeno asks. But Jaemin replies with a small smile. Jeno flips the pages of the album. Each page showing his and Jaemin’s growth.

From the first time they met, their first christmas, and all the events that marked a significant impact on them.

But there was more than that. Under the different pictures, there were photos of boxes attached to them. Jeno recalls the different colored boxes.

_ Jaemin’s gifts. _

Jeno felt a whirlwind of emotions as he stared at the different pictures. Mind flooding with memories. It felt nostalgic… it felt  _ warm. _

**“I have another gift inside. I-i hope you’ll love it. No. I know you’ll love it. I worked hard for it.”** Jeno looks at Jaemin but the latter has never set his eyes back at Jeno.

Instead, he was focused on the beautiful moon shining above them. Shining like they were made for Jaemin.

**“I will love it, Jaemin…”** he couldn’t help assure Jaemin.

This time, Jaemin looks at him. In the eyes, where he can see the galaxy. The perfect melodious eyes that never failed to make Jeno feel  _ warmth. _

**“You will. You’ll definitely will.”** Jaemin purses his lips while he says his words.

**“Jeno…”** it’s been long since Jaemin has called him his name. It still gives him mixed feelings.

**“Can you hold me for a minute? Then you can go check your gift.”** Jeno hesitates as he looks away and tries to think.

and Jaemin sees this. Pain in his eyes apparent. But he chuckles. Not so bitter. But a chuckle of certainty. If that makes sense.

**“Nevermind.”** He stares at the moon again.

**“You should go check your gift.”** Jaemin taps Jeno’s shoulder for him to leave.

Jeno stands up. Feeling like he can’t breathe and that he was gonna explode any minute. He makes his steps only to realize that the younger hasn’t followed him in. He jogs back to the younger to see him staring so beautifully like the moon.

...and again, Jeno felt like he was breathless.

**“Aren’t you coming?”** Jaemin takes a sweet time to answer Jeno. Staring emptily at the skies.

He then looks at Jeno and gives him a small smile. Jeno thinks it was a grimace or a sort of that but Jaemin had tried his best to smile at him.

**“I’ll stay here for a while. Happy New Year, Nono.”** He says.

Jeno just nods. Not knowing what was coming before him. He enters the house. Loud chattering still present. The bright lights shining. Jeno makes his way to the tree. The familiar pink box with a  _ -Jeno  _ note on it attached was the only thing that caught Jeno’s eyes.

  
  


With firm hands, Jeno lifts the box. He removes the silk ribbon attached to it. The silk smoothly falling down the floor.

And in that box, is a photo of Jaemin and Jeno. 

The first time Jeno had ever sent Jaemin a gift. The familiar blush on Jaemin’s face apparent as Jeno circles his arm on Jaemin’s shoulder

_ You will always be my greatest gift. _

says under the photo. Jeno flips the photo around to see different set of words that made his mind go haywire

_ My last and greatest gift to you is… letting go. _

_ Be happy, Jeno. _

  
  


**“No…. no… no….”** Jeno mutters under his breath. He drops the box and photo on the floor. Not minding everything as he runs back. 

he runs back to the warmth. He runs back to where Jaemin is.

But all Jeno saw was an empty, cold swing.

The warmth was gone. 

And just like how red was fading, Na Jaemin was gone, his red now slowly turning a shade lighter as the warmth he enjoys slowly turns pink.

Lee Jeno without Na Jaemin is a lack of pink. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

_ Extra Chapter _

  
  


**“Mom! Give me my keys!”** Jeno pants out running back inside but is immediately hugged by Mrs. Lee.

**“No… mom please. Jaemin…”** He tries to get off the grasp that was currently holding him.

**“Jaemin is flying to Canada with Mark. Choose your own happiness, son. Jaemin, let's you go now…”** She repeats but Jeno just removes her arms wrapped around her. Crashing down to the floor.

**“B-but Jaemin… is my happiness. I love Jaemin, mom.”** He says between sobs. Fist tightening to the ground. 

Mrs. Lee freezes.

**“You… what? But the ring? You were going to propose to your girlfriend right?”** She asks.

**“No… no no… Did you tell Jaemin that?”** His mother’s silence proves that she did.

**“W-when?”**

**“When Jaemin came to apologize saying he did not know your girlfriend had an allergy… he said he made it because you love prawns… Oh my god, Jeno…”** Mrs. Lee realizes what a huge mistake she has made.

**“Jeno… I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”** She repeats endless apologies. But what can it do? What can it do when Jaemin is gone and he is hurting?

**“It’s okay, Jeno.”** A voice says. Jeno looks up to see Mrs. Na.

**“Jaemin… will be back. All his life was all centered around you. I want him to finally know a life without you.”** Mrs. Na caresses the endless tears that are falling on Jeno’s cheeks.

**“He will be back… and if his feelings are still the same maybe this time you guys will work around. This time everything will be right.”** She says.

  
  


Because Jeno knows everything for him and Jaemin was definitely not working.

_ Maybe when they meet again they’ll work… _

_ And if they don’t… _

_ Jeno does not mind waiting for another lifetime or the lifetime after that or the endless lifetime for another chance for him and Jaemin to work. _

But right now… 

all Jeno can hold is these  _ pretty pink ribbons that remind him of Na Jaemin. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> because I like suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

**_The day Jeno realized his feelings_ **

**_was the day_ **

**_Jaemin decided to let go._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! leave some love. Ily!
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


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